


Two Sides of the Same Coin

by catstellation



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Headcanon, M/M, Nationverse, headcanon for russia and soviet union
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-05 23:24:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18838903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catstellation/pseuds/catstellation
Summary: Russia didn't want to be like this. Why was everyone so afraid of him? That was the Soviet Union doing that, not him.





	Two Sides of the Same Coin

**Author's Note:**

> this is completely based on a headcanon i have for russia, which will be explained in the story uwu
> 
> enjoy :)
> 
> **please note further any chapter(s) are rusame, but the first one isn't! the first chapter can be a standalone from the others**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is completely based on a headcanon i have for russia, which will be explained in the story uwu
> 
> enjoy :)
> 
> **please note any further chapter(s) are rusame, but the first one isn't! the first chapter can be a standalone from the others**

The first time Russia does it, he smiles.

It’s the first time he’s coming to a world meeting since he (or rather, his body) was known as the Soviet Union. He’s all smiles, finally ready to see the others without tension. He’s finally able to have friends again, or at least try to make some. But something isn’t right when he grins. 

The other nations look uneasy, and he falters slightly. Those who were directly part of the USSR immediately cower, hiding behind whoever is closest. Lithuania breaks down. Poland shivers violently, eyes wide and blank. It’s an all-too-familiar look: flashbacks. It’s not something Russia expected to see. It’s not something he _wanted_ to see. He immediately stops smiling, feeling guilty for something he didn’t have control of. The rest of the meeting is tense. 

He makes sure that the next time he smiles, he shows no teeth. He wants to make it as pleasant as he can so no one is afraid of him anymore. Though it helps for a few seconds, the ghostly smile keeps others on their toes after, wondering if the soft smile has malice and mischief behind it. It doesn’t. Russia desperately tries to convey that he’s not going to hurt anyone. He wants to be friendly. They don’t seem to notice the genuine kindness behind it. 

The second time Russia does it, he chuckles. 

There’s a stack of papers in front of him at the meeting. Hundreds of pages in a neat pile, a pen laying next to it. All of them require some form of signature or initials. Why do they even need _him_ to sign papers? It’s not like humanity knows about the immortal representations of their countries. What does his name offer?

He finds it amusing, and lets out a deep, breathy laugh. Just when they thought they were going to get used to Russia’s creepy grin, he has a laugh that sounds like a villain. It doesn’t help his case. In fact, it almost gets the same reaction as the time he smiled with his teeth. It makes him stop immediately. He desperately tries to hold back tears the rest of the meeting. Why is everyone so afraid of him? He barely remembers anything that he did as the Soviet Union. He had been controlled by his government. They took his mind and played with it, turning him on those who he treated as his friends. He doesn’t know what he did, and now he’s not even sure if he wants to know. 

The third time he does it, it makes a bit more sense. He’s _angry_. 

He doesn’t remember why he was angry in the first place. It doesn’t really matter, in the end, because even Germany at that point was quivering. America was furious. They didn’t agree on much since the Cold War, so it made sense that they were arguing. He stood, slamming his hands on the table and glaring. 

It basically undoes whatever rift he tried to heal. It widens the chasm between him and the others. He’s mad, yes, but he’s been mad like this before. This is being mad but more minor. He simply wants to make a point. Really, Russia’s glare is a lot like the glares he used to give little America, back when he was a colony. A glare to tell him to stop being a pest. 

But everyone is reading it as poison, hidden in his toxic purple eyes, murderous intent that’s just not there. To them, he’s a villain. That’s all they see. They see just the Soviet Union. They don’t see Russia for who he is now. 

He tries everything to distance himself from the one they knew. The Soviet Union frowned often? He kept the small smile on his face, trying to keep his face soft. The Soviet Union used Russia’s voice? He changed it, making it higher and more fake sounding. The Soviet Union didn’t wear his scarf? He wore it as often as possible. The Soviet Union carried weapons out in the open? He wore a long coat to hide his own tools and weapons. He tried everything. 

But none of it seemed to work. He’s feeling helpless, now. It feels like it’s taking longer for them to trust him than Germany after the wars. And really, it is. It’s taking much longer. He wants to know why, why is no one trusting him? After all this work he’s done personally to fix things up? No one trusts him, or his government, or his people.

Eventually, he stops putting in the effort. Russia is sick of trying to get people to like him.

So he revels in their fear, desperately trying to convince himself that this is what he wanted. Watching them cower and shiver and cry when he gets close to them, this is all great. He wanted to be the biggest, scariest nation, right? This is good. It’s fine. He smiles, but he doesn’t make an effort to force it to be nice. He laughs, feeling broken pride when they scramble away. It almost makes him sick when he realizes how this is ruining him. It’s making things worse.


End file.
